[Posted Feb. 13, 2008]

Defying Statistics: Black Women Win Their Valentines

By Hazel Trice Edney
NNPA Editor-in-Chief

WASHINGTON (NNPA) – Sixty-one percent of Black women have never been married, compared to 37 percent of White women, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
      And on holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14, the impact is exaggerated as Black women without soul mates (may) feel robbed of romance.
      But, according to witnesses, there is hope. Black women across America—including the Rev. Shelia M. Wilson who lives near Baltimore, Md., Makebra Anderson of Buffalo, N.Y., and Nanette Washington of Capitol Heights, Md.—tell stories of how they won their soul mates when they least expected it.
     “I was frustrated, not happy, perturbed and upset,” recalls the Rev. Wilson, a chaplain in the U. S. Airforce. “There would be many nights that I would say, ‘Jesus, if you don’t put me to sleep, I’m going to embarrass you, me and a whole lot of folks.’ Often times I’d be able to come home and fall asleep and sleep for 12 hours. Other times I’d be up half the night crying and hurting and walking the floor and praying and seeming to have no relief.”
      At the age of 55, Wilson had never been married and had been praying for a husband for decades. She was like many single Black women—independent, professional, smart, upward bound in their careers, businesses and ministries.
      She knew she would need what seemed almost impossible—not only a Christian man, but a man who was at peace and not intimidated by the leadership role that his wife had in society.
       She prayed and believed: “The Bible says cast your bread upon the water. Honey, I wasn’t just casting bread, I was casting whole loaves.”

     But, she also took action.
      In a unique—some would say ‘unorthodox’ —way, Rev. Wilson ultimately met the man who became her husband in less than two months.
      She had posted her photograph and biographical information on several dating websites when she heard about Faithmate.com, a website owned by internationally acclaimed Los Angeles pastor, Bishop Noel Jones.
      Women need to better position themselves as available for marriage, says Jones.

     "Look at how Naomi strategically positioned Ruth," he says of the Bibilical story of Ruth and her beloved Boaz.
"Faithmate is just one big Naomi," he says.
Within three weeks, Tony W. Carter—a divorced retired Army serviceman, now a Naval administrator—had responded to Rev. Wilson's posting.
      Exactly nine days after their first date, while riding on a merry-go-round at the Maryland State Fair, he proposed.
He knew she was the one when they had a big spat one day and she threatened to walk out of his life.
     “I felt very strongly, ‘I don’t want her to leave’…I need to do something to make this right,” he recalls. “By the grace of God, here we are.”
       Not all single women are as confident as the Rev. Shelia Wilson. Some are plagued by low self-esteem from past hurts that have caused them to see themselves as undesirable.
      “I just couldn’t imagine who God would put me with that could put up with me with my mannerisms, how I am,” says the former Nanette Washington, in her mid 30s.
      But, then came Lloyd Wharton, a divorced, energetic technology expert who joined her church, Dominion Church of Washington, D.C. and began to serve. She barely noticed him when they were first introduced about six years ago.
     “He said when he first said, ‘Hi’, I had this standoffish look like, ‘Don’t talk to me. Don’t try to talk to me. I ain’t interested in anybody,” says the now Nanette Wharton. “I don’t know, maybe I did.”
       But, it didn’t last long.
      “We started seeing more of each other and he allowed me to help him with his daughters and just spend more and more time,” she says.
       It wasn’t just her care, her beauty and her meekness that attracted him, he said. Being divorced he needed someone who had a good relationship with his children.
      “The times I saw her and the way she interacted with her own daughter, that won me over big time,” says Wharton, who now serves as a deacon at the church. She is church administrator. They were married June 17, 2006.
       And then there is, well, love at first sight? Los Angeles native Makebra Anderson, and Buffalo native Benjamin Bridges were strolling through Virginia’s Pentagon City Mall on a Friday evening when they passed by each other.
      “We looked back and exchanged numbers,” she said as they both explode with laughter recalling their first encounter. Seven years later, they married Oct. 13 last year.
       Reflecting, she says, “Some people have a wish list of exactly what they want in a mate. Throw away the list and realize it’s not always going to be perfect.”

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